I'm about to get real random here and go off on a few conversations and ideas that I have been having in my head lately. I would talk to Matt about them but hummm.... I don't see him much these days as he is not only coaching Basketball but also still has his duties as a Football coach as well. That might be the first conversation in my head or argument rather but I will stay out of trouble and not post my thoughts and opinions on that subject ;) The other people I would talk to about these ideas in my head would be my friends but I can't do that either because I have been sick for the past week and can't get much of a sentence out without hacking up a lung. So I have been inside this house not feeling so great trying to entertain a baby that is bored with everything about our daily routine and I'm out of ideas and energy.
Some days I feel like a bad mom because of our lack of variety and excitement which brings me to my next thought.....I miss College Station in a BAD way! Some days I wish I could pack up and move back into that little apartment that was nestled right in between countless parks, restaurants, coffee shops, the childrens museum, chick fil a, hobby lobby, upaint it, HEB, Farm Patch, Target, Barnes and Noble, Community Church, and homes of people that I miss so dearly. All these things might seem silly or even meaningless and some are but lately when I have been home alone with my little girl I just wish we could get out run errands and walk around and let her look at people, the only "errands" I can really run indoors here in Brenham is to Wal-Mart and this is not always the best exposure to Arabelle. When I get bored I want to just walk around through Target or Hobby Lobby just to pass some time and show things to Arabelle to put a little variety in her life but I don't want to drive one hour away to do it. Huh....sorry I have a bit of cabin fever and loneliness and these are my thoughts when this happens.
On the note of loneliness I have been thinking a lot lately about friendships of the past and how they have slowly faded away. I think about people that were once a part of my everyday life are now just a memory and how that makes me so sad. Sometimes I feel like a failure in these relationships in that I did not do what I could to maintain them through the miles and time apart but is that just life? Once schedules, distance, full-time jobs, marriage and family adds to the mix how realistic is it to be able to maintain these relationships? When it is left up to phone calls I sadly fail time and time again and have such trouble picking up that phone to hear someones voice that I genuinely want to hear but I do not do it out of fear of what we will or will not talk about and if there is awkwardness. I hate this about myself! Now with blogs, facebook, twitter, and online photo albums you can tune into peoples life and look in on what they are up to without ever picking up the phone and meeting up for a visit. All of these portals give a false sense of connection that is staying connected without having to be connected. When you actually do see some of these people in person a lot of the conversations start with "well I saw on facebook that they got married, had a baby, went to Hawaii"..."I read on their blog that they are in the process of adoption." This makes me sad that I am addicted to all these outlets of information, because in reality I want to be in their living room sharing a meal and flipping through their photo album while having real conversation not just dreaming of it from my living room with my laptop in hand. I want to feel connected again to people that I share life with. I miss friends that make you feel like family that when you spend time with them you are not wondering what they think of you, you just know they love and accept you and adore your company. Is life too busy to have these things anymore?
On a different note, what the heck happened to my hair? I might post pics only because it is kinda funny now. So I was looking forward to getting my hair done and have a fresh new look instead I got this crap haircut... I mean seriously it looks like a situation out of high school where you and your teen friends think it might be fun to cut your own hair only to find out it's not as easy as it looks, yeah that's what this look is like except I paid a professional for it. I pointed to a picture of this cute cut where the hair rested on the shoulders as one length and somehow I left with hair ABOVE my ears and a side mullet with mudflaps. I have managed to pull it into a sprig of a ponytail with lots of help from bobby pins and when I see people who know I didn't like the turnout of my new do they tell me how great my hair looks. Seriously people...it's pulled back in an ugly ponytail so you can't even see the cut so this lets out that everybody just says the right thing in the moment of truth, they don't actually tell you the truth. I actually find this funny. "Girl, I love your side mullet with random sprigs of hair coming out everywhere!"
I know this blog is getting extremely long and possibly boring to read so I will close but might later continue my randomness if need be. Thank you all for tuning into my life via blogger!